going fast is better

have you ever been bombing down a hill and just seen all the tree roots, ruts and bumps, got a little scared and grabbed some brakes. well grabbing brake is not what you want i guess the faster you go the better it is. i was cruising da web and found this site. it tells you a whole bunch of cool stuff. i think somebody has to much time on their hands to figure this kinda of math out.



im guessing the kinda person that would figure something like this out rather than going out and riding their bike would most likley look like this. a person who has a very unused penis. well unused to the outside world. a man that has a deep addiction to gay (cycling) porn. a man that uses this addiction to make fun of others just to deflect thoughts that he might possibly be gay for finding this porn. a man that has such a deep interest in gay cycling porn and runs out of pics he might even piece other pics together to make more gay porn and post them on his blog. a man who spends more time looking at pay as you go gay porn than goin out and finding sum poon.

ya your right a guy who has figured this out most likely gets tons of ass. chich ass that is. and would be a lot better lookin mabe something like this


its all in the brain. you guys should check that site out is has tons of cool stuff. and if ya want to know the opposite of cool check this site out.

in other news christmas was good. got tons of sweet gift cards. which is great. even got one to rassy's. you cant go wrong with gift cards. i hate getting gifts you just hate and musturing up a smile when they ask "do you like it?" in which you respond "i love it"


nobody got me what i really wanted though



no not jenny the flowers. oh ohok ya i might have wanted her but mabe next year.
in other news hy-vee had bud light cases on sale for twelve bucks, so i picked up five.
and today i had a bagel for breakfast.
good bye
wonder what bryan "anal streching" moritz is doin rite now...

Santa

what really happened to santa

hohoho merry christmas hohoho

with christmas day ALREADY upon us. i often wonder what santa is doing. do you really think he can see ya? if you've been naughty!! or nice? well i know what santa will be doin when he gets to my house..


and why is it if santas bad he can still get what he wants...

ya hes gettin all sorts of north pole ass...

then again why would he stop with just one...

he getting old most likely humped himself to death...
wtf...

just kidding kids hes just sitting in jail check out the video and see why

wonder what the corn holer moritz is doin rite now.....

ps. he still thinks santa is real so dont tell him! oh and so does noonan! shhh

rain isnt always bad

so with it raining for two days straight and the temperature hanging in the fortys it kinda of sucked. so to cure our bordum in typical iowa youth fashion we grabbed some beer and went out muddin
yeah my buddy butt, no bryan not the backside of a person. butler. he came over and picked me up as we headed to ft dodge we new of some beautiful roads that needed to be terrorized on the way. so we hit them up and got into all sorts of mud. the rain made it magnificent. we almost got stuck as shit. it was wicked fun. (picked that up out east)

cant really see this level b road. it was pretty shitty



we ran across some puddles too



beer always decreases judgement! which in turn increases fun!

so we played in the mud on our way to the local drinking and stripping estalishments in fd. it was fun to see them girls workin their way threw school. ya sure they are.
after they made us leave the bars we were hungry so we hit the mac shack. like i said beer lowers the judgement and the only thing open at two.

so as you can see when the forcast says rain and the doctor says pain, then im tellin ya just to giver.
fun on a crappy iowa night
wonder what butt taco eater moritz is doin rite now.....

48hrs drunk at natz? im comin home!

yeah so in recap i started drinkin friday bout three and didnt really stop until sunday around the same time. it was such a hoot. flight got delayed, drank,airline lost my shit, drank some more, got to sleep with thad (in the same room you pervs), got up started drinkin, went to the race, drank, got to see trebon win, while drinkin, went to eat, drank,rented a car, drank, went to mass., drank and got a sorts of fucked up. passed out. got up had a headache so i drank, got pulled over, reason to drink, got to see my buds race, drank, missed my plane, drank, serving beer on the planes couldnt pass that up, drank. man it was fun!! what a binder. well in my alcholic haze i got this pic on the way out. for de plane window.

this one is kinda cool look and you can see the east coast. pretty sweet right

well i made it home rehidrated and back to 100%. slept totall of about 6hrs, drank tons of beer, and had shit loads of fun. man that was awesome...
wonder what the deep throat king moritz is doin rite now....

day 2

so i arrived at the races after the little run in with the cops. just in time to see the end of thads race. the fields were freakin huge. 200 plus riders it was amazing.

watching them all wiz by and the train of riders never seemed to end. i got to see my buddys troy krause and bill marshall get in the top ten in their races. rad!

then it was time to cheer on bitch boy noonan. i forgot to tell you that on the plane ride there i had a seat next to the announcer on the plane. i had i told him to give noonan all sorts of shit over the p. a. and he did. it was cool. and the nooninator did awesome. he got a front row line up but he didnt get the whole shot. still a bitch. hahah

he was doin good, but didnt have good form on the run up. noonan might want to work on that. over all i think he was top twenty mabe fifteenth not to sure but that is awesome considering how fast and good those guys were.

got to see trebon ride again. he flatted but still came back to get fifth.

then watched ol compton win her third. but she was ridin some killer fuckin bikes. they looked rockin.

well that concluded the national races and it was fun. wont miss another. you got to go there. nothin like it and next year will be rite in our back yard.

wonder what the reach around king moritz is doin.......

start of day 2 coppers caught me ridin dirty!

on the way back to providence coppers caught me ridin dirty. goin a little fast i guess.

yeah eighty five bucks damn it. how my gonna come up with that kinda cash. guess ill just have to become a prostitute. what i could. somebody would pay me.

well fuck the warwick police dept they can lick my balls!

wonder what the cum dumpster moritz is doin rite now....

day 1 1/2

so after we left the races we hit this sweet eating establishment. it was some damn fine food.


after we got done eatin i rented a car and went to mass. and met up with some friends. hertz gave me a pt cruiser. what a pile of fuckin crap. those cars blow! felt like an old lady or somethin. i arrived and met up with emily and sandy. i was a little late its hard to navigate in new england. well emily is bad at givin directions. i had arrived and so we went out and got all sorts of shitty. we were a mess it was so much fun.
me and my friend emily.

my friend sandy and i


i learned this move from bryan. thanx bryan it sure was shockin


so we got home and ordered the dominos. good, cheap, and the only place open.

bed time three thirty or four i dont really remember but i knew i had to pass out so i could get up to go to the races. and that was day one. yep just one big drunk! mmmmmm
wonder what the man cheek splitter moritz is doin rite now...

day 1

well we got up round 6. well i got up and woke everyone up. called the airline and they still had no idea were my shit was. huh fuckers. i was headining to walmart to buy some sweet kicks and a flannel. before we left we had to pack a few beverages. thad of course packed tampoons with his beverages.


we hit the local walmart i bought these killers for six fifty. the treads were popin. or as they would say out there ...wicked sweet.


well we hit the course i think this one of the only times i saw these too. beer tent was calling. weird like father like son ahhhhhh scary




lookin round got this pic. ya kinda dumb




watched noonan hit the u 23 race. he did good. those dudes were fast.




i didnt get many pictures of much beside the pro race cause there wasnt much photography opps standing in the beer tent. well there was a few with the womens collegiate race but i was to worried bout keepin my wiener down. those chicks were smokin. so i stubbled out to see the pros line up. all my heros all lined. saweet



so after the first lap trebon took off and started killin it. he made them all look like little girls

he got the victory and made it look easy.

yep i called it. it was wickede awesome and really rad. twells, j page, tree farm, nineball, j powers.


after that we headed out but ill get to that story lata
wonder what the turd dozer moritz is doin rite now....

airline lost my shit

so i'm here in rhode island with my laptop and camera and thats it. the airlne lost my shit. kinda sux when your twelve hundred miles from home and you dont have any thing but the dirty clothes that you just spent travelin getting drunk in. oh well united says they are sure they will find it. thats great considering im only out here till tomorrow.

aint gonna let this slow me down. headin to walmart to by a flannel jacket and some velcro shoes and then to roger williams park to get loaded and yell at crossers. its gonna be fast. its dry as hell out here and 55 degrees. good drinkin weather.

bruce laughin at me. dont blame him it is kinda funny.

wonder what the cock gobbler moritz is doin rite now....

tagged i'll get to that lata

yes i have been tagged by one paul varnum. but i dont have time to come up with six deeply personal things right now. i got to pack my bags to get out of this state for the weekend. so when i get back i'll follow up on the tag. as for now its time to go meet up with the team 14 posse in rhode island.
oh if i would happen to die in a firey plane crash on the way out id like to give a few things to people. darla can go to the asswipe. fuel that can go back to sean, i hate that bike. cheeta that can go to thad mabe that will make him faster. and the cross bike can go to paul. hell he wins everything else. my harley that can go to noonan. mabe then he will have a chance to pick up a lady. haha. sterling can have my beretta. i know hes got a deep apprecation for the eightys. well thats all igot. im a simple man with few items. well everything else isnt worth anyting.
lata
wonder what the warm yogart eater mortiz is doin right now....

whos comin with me

goin to nationals wahooooooooooo!!!!

got the ticket cheap on priceline you people should come you know the old saying goes, the more the drunker.

people come on!!! i know i know christmas is close bla bla bla but this will be one one the pinnecale moments of your life. well you will probubaly be able to remember half of the trip but it will be super fun and super cheap. cheap airfair, free beer, got places to stay, and did i mention free beer. yeah it will be awesome im leaving fiday afternoon and comin back sunday night so i should be drunk for a totall of 48hrs and not miss any time of work which will work out great. it will be awesome racing with trebon kickin it in europe and johnson killin americans plus the weather is gonna be saweet. fast as shit thats waht it will be but i'm thinkin trebon will finally get his long desirved nat championship. ya tree farm i'm calling it.

you wanna go let me know

outty suckas

wonder what the butt ranger moritz is doin rite now....

nationals i think its a done deal

well today im ordering my tickets to go to nationals. wahoo!! no not to race to party it up and watch some kick ass racin. i have some friends in new england so i can crash with them or if i dont even make it from the course i could crash at thads hotel room.
thad will be racin in the b race so he will pry need a beer shower. haha goin to take a little midwest cross heckling to the east coast. cvo should be headin out there too. well all the lincoln crew for that matter. we'd bring that fuckin place down. yeah oh well i guess i will have to try and do it single handedly.

i hope its shitty as hell and they get nasty as shit that would be sweeeet!!

get to see all da pros yeah!!

well hopefully this doesnt fall threw that way i can totally fuck with noonan while hes racin. he will pry need a beer shower too.

out.

wonder what the limp wristed moritz is doin rite now...

pizza+beer=mmmmmmmmmmm

+=

yep tonite just like every thursday nite is thirsty thursday and every thursday i have to head off to my favorite drinking establishment in wc, the saloon. To pick up on one of the sweetest deals they offer. the five dollar large. yaaaa oh yaaa. me and all my buds head down there every thursday and have the most beautiful combination. no not pb and j. no pizza and beer. what a combo. its magnificent. amber bock pitchers and greasy pizza. im gonna get fat and get a good buzzz goin. its goin be fun too, then i would be as happy as bryan is at a wiener roast. well mabe not that happy but you no what i mean. so if any of you out there want to head to wc and partake in some pie. be there around seven.

i would also like to know why nobody out there told me about britney spears crotch being all over the net. that is very important stuff that i need to know and i wish that some off you people out there would fill me in on current events like that. well im not gonna be that selfish so here ya go. looks a little rough

well anyway got to go eat a little pizza drink a little beer and try to stay a little warm. tryin not to drive at all so been cruisin darla around.....

lata

wonder what the ass jockey moritz is doin

a sales man

well i was sittin at home yesterday when i got a knock on the door. got up and answered the door and it was a guy offering me to shampoo my carpets. wow shampoo my carpet as i looked back and looked at a couple mixed drink stains i said sure come on in. apperently they were also selling kirby vaccums. Damn tricked

so i sat threw tony's (tony is the guy who wanted me to buy this sixteen hundred dollar vaccum) little show . he showed me how my vaccum didnt pick up nothin blablabla. i just wanted my stains removed. so i told him hey just show me the shampoo'r so he abliged. it was sweet. he cleaned my carpet and didnt even buy his vaccum. he was a little bummed so i gave him a beer. that made him a little happy. then i told him to leave hahaha

thats me and tony

i asked tony if he would let me give it a whirl and he did

well got my nasty mixed drink stains cleaned and learned all about a kirby. moral of the story dont let your sloppy drunk friends come over and spill shit all over your house and then you wont be tempted to invite people in who offer to clean your carpets and get a whole afternoon wasted!!!

out

wonder what the turd burglar moritz is doin rite now....

axel rose can suck my balls

on friday i snuck into the guns and roses concert and let me tell u even

though i didnt pay for this waste of 7 hrs of my life, i'm sure glad i didnt. i know its probubly bad to bitch about something that i got for free. i guess the old saying do punch the gift horse, well im gonna staight up kick its ass and turn it into glue. now i WAS a guns and roses fan but cant say that i will ever respect this band again or should i say axel rose .

so i snuck in to the concert. no not intetianally, i was gonna buy a ticket but there wasnt anybody at the doors so i just kinda walked in and right to the beer stands, and from there right to the floor in front of the stage. cool rite. i got to tell you sabastion bach gave a hell of a show and he was the only highlight of the evening. then helmet or bucket i dont know, some fucking shit band that bought time for axel to throw a bitch fit and make thousands of people who paid fifty to seventy bucks a ticket wait. what a arogant prick. well when the helmet set got over at eleven at which time they also quit selling beer. so eleven thirty came and went twelve yep no gnr. twelve thirty nope not yet quater to one after countless booings of the stage. hell people were lighting stuff on fire and throwing it at the stage.

well when axle finally busted out on stage to a less than par opener. he basically blew every song he had. when he went to hit the high notes they would turn the vocals down and the band up so you couldn't hear this fuckin has been. what a piece of shit. he totally ruined every song. this bastard couldnt even whistle paitence. oh it sucked bad i left before it was over at two thity in the morning. ya two thirty what the F##k. im not trying to exzadurate. i love music and i've been to a lot of shows and this is by far one of the worst, if not the worst shows i have ever seen. half the crowd left before he even got on stage and the quarter left bfore it was over. people were sleepin on the floor. ya it sucked that bad.

well enough with the rants i feel sorry for poor people who didnt get there money's worth. really sucks..

so axel rose fuck you.....

oh and all you beautiful people readin this lata

wonder what the butt pirate moritz is doin rite now...